Im happy but there is a heavy feeling of sadness in my heart that I just can't remove. Why am I like this?

It’s impossible to overstate the freedom and peace I discovered, and I realized the only one who had been keeping those from me was… me and my imagined standards and expectations for how I had imagined I should be.

But unlike before, there is no more resistance to the sadness.

You are the masterpiece you came here to discover.

Did Harry and Meghan really get what they wanted?

Needless to say, my failed attempts to fix my sadness simply brought me more pain and suffering.

Your job is not to be the manager of your life, but the one who discovers yourself fully.

Without resistance, sadness has a sense of beauty and depth I cannot find otherwise in life.

* Underwater Smoke Signals: Humpbacks May Be Talking to Humans - SciTechDaily

In the absence of a should, I was free to be as I am.

What most people don’t know unless they’ve looked more closely is that there is also an element of deep, profound sadness that has always been with me since as long as I can remember.

So if you are sad - like me - then be sad.

Scientists hooking flies on cocaine to study addiction: Reports - WSYR

And the sadness?

But no matter what I read or practiced, I could never make the sadness budge for longer than a few fleeting moments - and even then, it was likely due to me being distracted from the sensation of sadness rather than anything actually shifting.

You are like me, then.

Apple Loop: iPhone 17 Pro Release Date, Apple Challenges AI Assumptions, iPad Pro Multitasking Explained - Forbes

It’s here now, writing to you.

It’s difficult to put into words exactly what caused what, but to the best of my ability to describe it, I felt as if my will to keep fighting was beaten right out of me.

So I finally threw my hands up and said something to the tune of “fuck it, since I can't seem to change, I’ll just be whatever I am then.”

What options are available for obtaining prescribed medicine if you are in therapy, do not have insurance, but need them for functioning well?

For much of my adult life, I interpreted this sadness as something being wrong - with either myself or my life in general.

This interpretation lead me on a path of self improvement, to fix what I considered to be “wrong” with myself.

It’s the most beautiful and liberating thing in the world.

Hegseth warns China poses 'imminent' threat to Taiwan and urges Asia to boost defence - BBC

Most people that know me would probably describe me as a social, happy, and somewhat quirky person with a twisted sense of humor.

When I stopped trying to force myself to be something I am not, I gave myself the freedom of being who I am.

I was tired of fighting.

When a dog smells another dog’s poo or wee, do they then remember that scent for when they smell it again, or even further know which dog they are smelling if they know the dog?

It wasn’t until about 10 years ago that I finally fell out of that ferris wheel of trying and failing to fix myself.

Now, this may sound like a story of failure and giving up, but it’s actually a story of liberation.

I had run out of hope.

College World Series 2025 score: LSU's Kade Anderson makes argument for No. 1 pick with shutout win in Game 1 - Yahoo Sports

I was tired of trying and failing.

Be who you already are.

It’s still here.

Steelers quickly settle any Aaron Rodgers jersey number mystery after signing - New York Post

What I am trying to say is that when you stop trying to change yourself into something you are not, you give yourself the gift of discovering yourself as you already are.

The sadness was still there.